Best petrol station food after midnight

What is the best petrol station food to eat at the end of the night?

Chicken Parma Pie
The Wheel, Penicillin.....this



The Chicken Roll
The leader of the pack. The person that invented this must own their own island such popularity of the Chicken warning may contain traces of nut Roll. While we don't like to wait for food at anytime, the 2 minutes and 30 seconds on high needed to make this sumptuous temptation just flies by as we sincerely ask thepetrol store attendant if he/she has indeed had "a good night mate?" The roll itself is volcano temperature and as limp as a jelly fish, but it tastes like it should - 93% mayonnaise, 2% sugary roll, 2% chicken and 3% unknown. The adventurous may choose its brother, the Satay Chicken Roll, which is almost identical, though does not contain any trace of nut.



The Supreme Pizza roll
Similar to the chicken roll, but is filled with those tasteless tiny strips of ham, poor pizza sellers spread over everything. That's about the only resemblence to anything remotely associated with a pizza. Naturally half will go over the taxi floor.

The Chicken Pie
After midnight the meat pies are usually gone, but at the back is a chicken pie that looks as if its been there since the last Olympics. It crusty on the outside, bordering on charcoal, yet the inner has a corn soup type consistency, with a flavouring resembling a chicken noodle sachet. While meat pies are somewhat pleasing at the end of the night, the chicken variety really don't hit the spot.

All in one Nachos
The IKEA of the pack. While the many compartments and tight packaging may confuse the intoxicated buyer, the all in one nacho box, is like an all entertaining chemistry set for drunk people. There is the little compartment of tongue piercing corn chips, and several other sachets that make no sense. Some choose not to put it in the microwave but prefer their fake cheese and watery salsa at room temperature. Guaranteed to have an impact on the following day's laundry.

The Lamb Souvlaki
The Cinderella of the pack. In the day time, people squirm at the thought of it. Why would you eat this processed, stringy microwave lamb kebab when a souva shop could equally make one just as stringy and dodgy? Yet when the clock strikes 2.43am, nature takes hold and this 4 degree wonder must be eaten. Those showing unusual foresight will buy more to put in their own freezer.

The Petrol Hotdog
Those chewy bits of god-knows-what sit for weeks in the steamy steel tin at your local petrol station. They taste good but nothing is worse than waking up the next morning with hotdog breath.

The Ham and Cheese Sandwich
If it's really early in the morning sometimes all the hot food is gone, and there is no way you'll be able to work a microwave in your state. Hence go to the fridge and pick out a Ham and Cheese Sanga. To add more taste and grease, spray mustard all over it from the hotdog section, and pretend its not remotely healthy (which it isn't but in comparison to everything else it might be).

The Anything that's free
I wont say exactly where it is, but in North Fitzroy in Melbourne there is a petrol station that gives away a few free things at the end of the night. A sausage roll here, a meat pie there, you get the picture. It has got to the point now that all we have to do is enter and nod, and some stuff that normally would be destined for the bin the next day, is coming our way. So make friends with your local bowsers, and they will look after you.

Put a SMILE on your dial!

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